How to Know if You Should Accept a Job Promotion (and Not Just Do What Others Expect)

When Everyone Says Yes, But Something Inside You Says No

Aylin is a senior manager at an international bank in Istanbul. She has been with the company for eight years, delivered consistent results, and a few weeks ago was presented with an opportunity that, in theory, was the natural next step: a role with greater responsibility, higher visibility, and better pay.

Everyone around her was saying the same thing: “You have to accept it. It’s your chance. If you don’t take it now, it might not come around again.”

Her boss encouraged her. Her colleagues congratulated her in advance. Her family was proud. Even people who admired her within the organisation told her she was ready, that she deserved it, and that she would be foolish not to take it.

But Aylin had doubts. And those doubts tormented her, because she didn’t know if they were legitimate signs that something wasn’t right, or simply fear disguised as caution.

When she arrived at our coaching session, she expected me to tell her what to do: “Silvia, you’ve been up there, tell me: should I accept a job promotion like this or not?”

I didn’t tell her. Because coaching doesn’t work that way. And because no one can make that decision for her.

What we did was explore what lay beneath those doubts. And what we discovered completely shifted her perspective.

The Problem with Listening to Everyone Except Yourself When Deciding to Accept a Job Promotion

Throughout her career, Aylin had learned to value the opinions of the people she admired—to listen to advice from those who had progressed further than her. On the whole, that is a good thing; learning from others’ experience saves us from mistakes and accelerates our growth.

However, there was a problem. In the process of listening to everyone else, Aylin had stopped listening to herself.

When someone we respect gives us advice, we often prioritize their viewpoint over our own to avoid disappointing them. Disappointing someone means failing someone to whom we feel unconsciously indebted, and we avoid that situation by doing what that person prefers.

The issue is that this internal conflict leads us to do things against our own will, limiting our happiness. Moreover, it causes us to ignore crucial internal signals when evaluating whether to accept a job promotion:

• That gut feeling that something doesn’t fit.
• Difficulty getting excited about something you “should”, in theory, want.
• Questions that keep you awake at night.
• A sense of resistance you can’t rationally explain.

Those signals are valuable information. If we systematically ignore them because someone external tells us we should want something, we end up living someone else’s life.

Aylin confessed something revealing: “If I accept this position, I’ll have to commit for at least two years. What worries me most isn’t the work itself; it’s the possibility of being unhappy for two years without being able to do anything about it.”

That sentence held all the clarity she needed. She just needed help to see it.

Three Steps Before You Accept a Job Promotion to Make Decisions Aligned with Yourself

Step 1: Separate What Others Expect from What You Want

The first exercise we did with Aylin was deceptively simple, yet enormously revealing.

I asked her to make a list of all the reasons why she “should” accept a job promotion of that calibre. Beside each reason, I asked her to write down where that expectation originated: her boss, her family, society, or herself.

The result surprised her: most of the reasons came from the outside. Only two came genuinely from her, and when she examined them honestly, she discovered that even those two were tainted by external expectations.

Practical exercise: Take a sheet of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left, write down all the reasons why you should accept this opportunity (or make this career move). On the right, note down where each reason comes from: your boss? Your partner? What others might think? Yourself? Be brutally honest.

Step 2: Project Yourself into the Day-to-Day, Not the Job Title

We often fall in love with the idea of the role: the title, the status, the recognition, the LinkedIn post. But you only enjoy the title for a few days; you live the day-to-day for years.

I asked Aylin to close her eyes and imagine a typical Tuesday in that new position. Not the day of the promotion, nor the champagne celebration—just a normal Tuesday at eleven in the morning.

• What would she be doing?
• Who would she be talking to?
• What problems would she be solving?
• How would her body feel?

When she visualised it, her response was immediate: “I don’t see myself there. I don’t see myself being happy doing that every day.”

That realization was worth more than all the advice she had received.

Practical exercise: Close your eyes and imagine a normal Tuesday, six months after choosing to accept a job promotion. Not day one. Not the moments of glory. Just a normal Tuesday. How do you feel? What are you doing? Who are you with? Do you like what you see?

Step 3: Accept That Saying “No” Does Not Mean Disappointing Others

Saying no to someone you respect does not necessarily mean you are disappointing them. It can be interpreted differently—for instance, that in this specific area, your life priorities (the ones that bring you closer to happiness) differ.

It simply means agreeing to disagree, and that shouldn’t lead to disappointment.

If you still feel there is disappointment, remember that it reflects on the other person, not on you. And you have little control over that.

Aylin was not afraid of the work. She was not intimidated by the responsibility or the challenge. What she had was clarity: she knew that specific position, with those particular features, was not what she wanted for her life at that moment.

And that isn’t a lack of ambition—it is self-awareness.

Practical exercise: Ask yourself: if the other person genuinely wants the best for you, would they really be disappointed because you chose what makes you happy? If the answer is yes, perhaps the issue lies not in your decision, but in that person’s expectations of you.

The Outcome of Refusing to Accept a Job Promotion for the Wrong Reasons

Aylin decided not to apply for the position.

When she communicated her decision, some were surprised. Others told her she was making a mistake, while some interpreted her choice as a lack of ambition.

However, she wrote this to me a week later:

“For the first time in a long time, I feel I am making a decision based on what I want, not on what others expect of me. Regardless of the outcome, that alone feels like a victory.”

Six weeks later, she wrote to me again. A different opportunity had arisen—one much more aligned with what she was truly looking for. This time, when she said yes, she did so with genuine conviction. Not because others pushed her, but because she truly wanted to be there.

Leadership Begins with Leading Yourself

I am not telling you to reject every opportunity that doesn’t excite you one hundred per cent. Sometimes we must accept difficult, uncomfortable, or uninspiring jobs because they are necessary steps to reach where we want to be.

What I am saying is that before you accept a job promotion, ensure that your “yes” comes from within you—not from external pressure, not from fear of disappointing others, and not from the idea that you “should” want something just because everyone else would.

Your doubts deserve to be heard. Your inner voice holds valuable insight. Sometimes, the bravest decision is not saying yes to everything, but having the clarity to say no when something doesn’t fit with who you are.

Leadership is not a gift; it is a practice. And it starts by leading yourself.

Facing an Important Career Decision?

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